Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just pynch a tree in the face
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
