What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
