my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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