I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
