If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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