using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
