How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
