I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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