its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
