You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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