well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.