At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
