You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just want nice things and good sex
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
