..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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