apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
