Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize