I wannas sexs uuuuu
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
