we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
