My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
