Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
