More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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