So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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