areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
