dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He passed out mid-signature
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
