Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize