It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
