Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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