I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
