you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
