note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
