No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
