why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
