News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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