I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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