Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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