i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
