I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
