my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
