Well douche your snatch and let's go!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
