i barfeds in our rink
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
