if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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