Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's shark week go big or go home
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
