They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
