I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
