every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.