i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"