I bet he comes in French.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
