im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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