and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
