Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
