i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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