I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
