omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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