dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I bet he comes in French.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
