It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
