I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
When did angry sex become our thing?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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