Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
