Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
