but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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