sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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