I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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