You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
