I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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