My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
