I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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