She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
