awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
